Dealing with Grief
Dealing with Grief training by Peter Thorburn
What Is Grief?
Grief is the emotional, and often physical, response we have when we experience loss. The more profound the loss, the more profound the grief will be. Grief can involve virtually every emotion or can leave us feeling numb and disconnected from the world around us.
Manifestations of grief may include hopelessness, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt, incapacitating fatigue, difficulty in controlling emotions, lack of concentration, loss of interest in people or activities, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Grieving is also active, healing, skillful, transformative, connective, and social.
Reasons for Grieving
Some discussion points shared within the group included lockdown, child’s disability, immigration, the loss of life before mental health, pregnancy complications, change, loss of identity, retirement, when routines are disrupted, empty ‘nest’, being adopted, divorce, neglect from parents, having a transgender child and broken relationships within the family.
Grief Is Painful, but Do Not Avoid It
A loss changes the way we are! Grief hurts, but it can be the salve that helps us heal when it is allowed to do its work appropriately. The first step in handling grief is to recognize that the pain is a normal part of the process. It needs to be acknowledged, not avoided.
Grieving is not a brief process. Be patient with it and give it time. As with a physical wound, the pain of losing a loved one requires time to heal. Russell M. Nelson quoted, “We can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.”
Peter shared so many gems! Here are my top 5:
There is no right way of grieving.
If you don’t know what to say, ask someone. Do some research.
Sometimes we may not be the best person to speak to her/him and that’s ok. Don’t bullshit them.
Face your grief instead of internalizing it. We must learn how to integrate grief into our lives.
No such thing as getting over it. Give yourself permission to grieve!
Reading Sources
“Lessons of Loss” By Robert A. Neimeyer - mentioned a few times by Peter in his training
“The Healing Power of Grief” By Steven Eastmond - Licensed Clinical Social Worker
If you missed this training, you can find the presentation HERE!
Melefatai Palavi
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ”