Anger is a normal, healthy emotion.
It's not bad to feel angry. In fact, a lot of really good things stem from anger, and angry feelings can lead to positive change.
Dealing with Anger training with Peter Thornburn
The “Dealing with Anger“ training by Peter Thornburn brought together a group of 8 mana wahine, from ages 24 – 50. Each women have an important role in their local community spaces, got to share with one another their experiences and relationship with anger.
Korero – Talanoa – Stories
Each woman including Peter shared stories from their experiences with anger. Stories from their upbringing, others from their past and current relationships and how it has played a role in their lives. One lady shared her experience with not being able to cope when her husband raises his voice. Another lady shared how she was angry with something she had experienced when she was younger and how she changed her thoughts to see the situation in a positive light now that she is older. Peter shared stories from his own experience as well as others.
One story Peter shared I won’t forget is about a young lady who tried to stop an argument amongst a young neighbour and her family because they did not allow him to join their party. This young neighbour was not happy and stirred an argument with her family which then ended in a brutal attack. Sadly, the young women who tried to stop the fight suffered and ended up in hospital with a number of injuries and also became partially blind. Her life drastically changed in one night. This young women’s family sought to destroy and avenge the pain this young man had caused towards their sister and her future. She told her family that she would rather forgive this young man and move on living her life the best she can then to hold a grudge and be angry at him for ruining her life. From this story, not only did this women’s family learn a great lesson, but the young man himself from her act to forgive him even with the suffering that he caused.
The biggest lesson from this training?
Mara shared how “it was confronting her past having to share her raw thoughts to a group of strangers.” Ren shared how “she had to address the situation in her relationship, by walking away and taking 10 deep breathes, before talking again with her partner.” Personally, my biggest lessons from this training is that “having a healthy conversation about anger with my husband is OK” and that “forgiveness is healing.” Like the story about the young women, who ended up in hospital. Without forgiveness, there’s no room for healing. Without that healing power we will always be a victim to the situation.
Peter Thornburn
A statement from a past HEART member, Nandita Mathur
“Peter’s passion to guide and support people and create transformation in their lives is evident in every training that he has conducted for the HEART Movement. He speaks to the HEART of the struggle of our communities and they are drawn to his non-judgemental and motivation style of facilitating conversations. Peter is deeply connected to his own transformation journey and his positive story ignites people and builds the hope that change is possible. Peter’s trainings are the most sort after and well attended training that the HEART Movement offers.
- Nandita Mathur (Ex - Senior Manager, Te Waipuna Puawai)
A recent statement from a new HEART member,
“This was my first workshop with Peter and I absolutely loved his kaupapa. Peter’s training has helped me better address anger in my life and in my home. What he shares touches your heart and makes you hungry for more knowledge about topics most people bury or push aside. It’s important that we as leaders today change that narrative about such topics and have that conversation. Make it normal to talk about our feelings. I felt extremely blessed to be in that room. Thanks to the HEART team, I look forward to attending more of Peter’s trainings.”
- Melefatai Palavi (HEART Change Agent)
Three Healthy Ways to Deal with Anger
1. The best way to deal with anger is to find a healthy way to express it. Turning anger into something constructive, such as creating positive change or responding assertively, is the best way to cope with angry emotions. Before you can express your emotions, however, you need to understand how you're feeling. Practice identifying when you feel frustrated, disappointed, or downright angry.
2. Pay attention to the early warning signs that you're growing angry. Take a time-out from the action to calm down before your anger reaches explosive levels. Go for a walk or do some deep breathing to calm both your body and your mind.
3. When you're in a calmer state, take steps to actively problem-solve issues and express yourself in a more productive manner. Increasing your emotional intelligence can prevent you from saying and doing things you may later regret. Learn about YOU and what your hobbies are.
Melefatai Palavi